Long time no post.
So busy...re-entry back into reality is always challenging.
Beached it for a month in California with my family and my precious girls. It was perfect and cleansing and renewing and resetting. I connected with old friends and made many new friends. I read about nine books and added another nine to the ever-growing pile to be read on my nightstand. I am more clear now that I have been in many, many years.
I generally avoid getting too personal here on this blog, but most of you are my dear friends and you have easily pieced together the story of the sharp and unexpected turn my life took just before the dawn of this new year. I had hoped for a year of dramatic change and growth, but had no idea what a bargain I had struck! ha! "When you pray for rain, be prepared to deal with some mud!" I also know that sometimes when I post these raw, personal musings, it resonates with many of you. I am grateful for the opportunity, then, to share my story a little more freely with you in the hope that it will, in fact, inspire someone else.
Now at nearly the 8 month mark of my new life, I feel as though I have been moving at light speed through this process. For many years, something had/has been preparing me on spiritual level for this and once I gave into that, stepping off the cliff of fear and into the safety net of faith, my journey has been amazing! Never in my life have I felt so wide awake and alive. Never in my life have I felt more clear on MY path and my purpose. Never in my life have I felt so solid and grounded in who I am. Never in my life have I felt so at peace in my skin. Never in my life have I felt so receptive to love in all its forms. I am drawing people and experiences and insights into my life that are beyond wonderful. I am amazed. I am blessed. I am grateful.
Sometimes I shock myself with the level of sincere gratitude I have right now! Here I am, in the midst of one of the most potentially challenging life-changes a person can go through...the dissolution of a marriage, and yet I am not afraid or at all hesitant. I am sad that things didn't turn out the way I had hoped or planned, but yet at peace that they are unfolding as they were perfectly intended. If I had not been blessed by the acts of the person I thought I was closest to in all the world...the acts which unexpectedly CHANGED my path, I am not sure how long I would have remained on that path, unfulfilled, unappreciated, unloved. I made compromises....many, many compromises, and I own them all. I ALLOWED the situation to become what it was, even though I may not have been aware of the exact details.
It is right. I am good. I am actually pretty freaking' awesome! My vibrations are higher and clearer than they have been in many, many years...if ever...and for the first time in a long time I am FEELING life with increasing clarity. I am racing headlong into life...drawing it all up into me as a woman who hasn't drunk of this richness in many, many years. I want to do it all, experience it all, taste it all, LIVE it all. I want to cry with abandon, love with fierce intensity, sing at the top of my lungs, laugh until I can't breathe, and dance until my feet hurt!
If you've been reading my blog for any length of time, you'll know that often song lyrics hit me square between the eyes and express my feelings much better than I ever could. This song (and the artist) are among my favorites right now. The words are ME right now. When the lyrics say I am dyin' inside, I consider this part of the renaissance process...the old me must die before the Phoenix can rise from the ashes.
Turn it up REALLY LOUD and enjoy... I know I am finally beginning to ENJOY and know that I will be and AM alright!!
xoxo Kim
I'm wide awake and so alive
Ringing like a bell
Tell me this is paradise
And not someplace I fell
'Cause I keep on fallin' down
I wanna feel the car crash
I wanna feel the capsize
I wanna feel the bomb drop, the earth stop
'Til I'm satisfied
I wanna feel the car crash
'Cause I'm dyin' on the inside
I wanna let go and know
That I'll be alright, alright
Just push me 'til I have to fly
I've shed my skin, my scars
Take me deep out past the lights
Where nothing dims these stars
Nothing dims these stars
I wanna feel the car crash
I wanna feel the capsize
I wanna feel the bomb drop, the earth stop
'Til I'm satisfied
I wanna feel the car crash
'Cause I'm dyin' on the inside
I wanna let go and know
That I'll be alright, alright
So right
It's all wrong
I'm wide awake and so alive
I wanna feel the car crash
I wanna feel the capsize
I wanna feel the bomb drop, the earth stop
'Til I'm satisfied
I wanna feel the car crash
'Cause I'm dyin' on the inside
I wanna let go and know
That I'll be alright, alright