{ musings }

Hell Hath No Fury....

Posting this on behalf of a dear, dear friend who wishes to remain anonymous, but let me tell you, SHE STOOD UP FOR ALL OF US when she did this!  BRAVO!  Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...!

Phriday Phunee

Phriday Phunee!

IMPORTANT HEALTH ADVICE FOR WOMEN

Because I'm just that kind of helpful girl, here you go......

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from Shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Chardonnay*.

Chardonnay is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Chardonnay can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you are ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Chardonnay almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Chardonnay.

Chardonnay may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Chardonnay. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss
of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headaches, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth or Dare and naked Twister.

WARNINGS:
The consumption of Chardonnay may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

The consumption of Chardonnay may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

The consumption of Chardonnay may cause you to think you can sing.

The consumption of Chardonnay may lead you to believe that ex lovers are really dying for you to call/text them at 4 in the morning.

The consumption of Chardonnay may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

The consumption of Chardonnay may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.  

 *feel free to substitute Malbec, Syrah, or any other wine as you see fit.

(also, as much as I like to consider myself incredibly witty, I did not write this...it came to me in the e-mail as a sort of chain letter!)

 

A Happy For You...

Lobster Bath?

lobster in the tub-3, originally uploaded by bebe beaux.

Yes, you ARE seeing what you THINK you're seeing.

My crazy-ass husband convinced the kids (who've just seen The Waterhorse) to put our 2.5 lb live lobster in the bathtub until he meets his demise at dinner time. He also has a name..."Rillo" (as in Camarillo).

I am officially living with a family of lunatics! Help me, Rhonda!

ETA:  yes, my kids know that Lobsters are FOOD, not friends, and yes, we also just learned that putting a live lobster in fresh water will kill him pretty much instantly.  Uh oh.  So, he got cooked a little quicker than anticipated and made a very tasty appetizer!  :-)

When Pigs Fly...

My Mom & Dad Scrapbooking!, originally uploaded by bebe beaux.

That's about the same time as I figured I've ever see my DAD scrapbooking, or doing ANY crafty, for that matter.  But, much to my amusement, my mom and her pals actually suckered...ummm...sweet talked him into helping make pages with them! ha!  Go Dad, GO!

I'm pretty sure there must have been vodka involved.

 

(Photo courtesy of a cell phone belonging to one of the "girls!")

You Suck....

...at Photoshop. 

Yes, this dude Donny has created what are quite possibly the funniest video tutorials I've seen to date on the topic of Photoshop!  Check this one out for a little taste (there are many, many funnier videos on the site...be sure to click over and check them out, too!):

See John Run? Run, John, Run!

Is it Friday again already??  My oh my!  Where has the week gone?  Since I have too much to do and too little time in which to do it, here's a Phriday Phunee for you!

McCain Vows To Replace Secret Service With His Own Bare Fists

Been Gone Too Long...

Damn computer needed a new power supply and the Geeks at Best Buy apparently had more important things to do than deal with my simple little problem!  Not having my trusty electronic right-arm made me realize 1) the AMAZING amount of time I actually spend on the computer, 2) the shit I can no longer do without technology, 3) how out-of-freaking-touch I feel without it and 4) did I mention how I hardly know what to do with my spare time without it?!?!?!  Shit.  I need a 12-step program!

To make up for lost time, I spend a ridiculous amount of time sending people pieces of flair and taking dumb-ass quizzes on Facebook.  Yah, I know...get a LIFE, Kim!  Scary part is that MANY of you were responding to my Facebook posts as quick as I posted them...so I'm not the only techno-loser out there!  ;-)

Simultaneously, I'm catching up on e-mails, furiously off-loading camera memory cards, updating software and re-calibrating my monitor with my newest toy.  After a whole week with no contact with the outside world, I am finally BACK and I have a FUNNY to share with all of you.   

This one is in honor of my old pal The MacDaddy of Scrap, who used to post the best Phriday Phunees ever.  Hey Kenny, I miss you, dude!

Follow the link...it is HEE-LARIOUS!

GO WHITE GUY!!